"People lined up to see the Titanic sinkin'
Instead we rose from the ash like a phoenix ..."
I went to the doctor last week and weighed in at about 260 pounds -- or ten more than I weighed as recently as two or three months ago.
In some small way, I've let myself go. I've been more liberal about snacking. Peanut butter cookies at Starbucks became my vice. I went back for seconds. I stopped working out after moving last month.
You know how people say, "It's good to have a snack every once in awhile?" Well, I don't think they're referring to a cookie, which contains about 500 calories, according to Starbucks.com. Not every day, any way.
Then, after moving in early September, the workouts stopped. At first, my excuse was that I was too drained from the move. Then when that excuse didn't work, I was too busy doing other things (like watching Season 3 of "The Office" on DVD!). Then, after that didn't work, I was too busy hanging out with friends.
Well, I'm not too busy with any of that. I've just forgotten what it feels like to get on the elliptical, turn up the iPod and focus on burning as many calories as possible as quickly as possible. That great feeling that comes with hopping off the elliptical ... I forgot all about it.
And like I said, I've been more forgiving about food. I've been eating out with friends fairly often. Instead of ordering a salad at McMenamins, I'll get the fish and chips. Same with Red Robin.
My doctor visibly winced when I told him. "It's a slippery slope," he told me. "I know, I know, I know," I said.
I got away from what got me here. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm done. And if I'm not done -- which I never will be -- then how can I double back and start doing whatever put me in the position to lose weight in the first place?
See, at the beginning of summer, I said I was going to push hard and get down to my target weight. Well, I didn't do that.
Instead, I had the doctor appointment last week to enlighten me. Not just that, but I still have a letter from my former medical provider, suggesting gastric bypass surgery. It's motivation. I think of everyone who's ever called me fat. It's all fuel to me. And I've gotten away from it. I've gotten too self-satisfied for doing what I've done.
But if I don't keep going, I haven't done anything. How can I stop now?
Whenever I think about going to the vending machine for a bag of Famous Amos Cookies, I ask myself: Do I need this? How long will it be until my next meal? Will I work out tonight? How bad do I want this? Everything is a choice. All I have to do is make the right choice.
I was extremely disciplined for a year. There's absolutely no reason I can't get back to that.
I will mess up. I know that. But I just have to mess up less and compensate it for getting back to working out.
To help with that, I actually signed up for an independent studies PE course through Clark College. That serves a dual purpose (more on that another time), but for now, it'll be a great opportunity for me to establish a steady, consistent routine.
And as part my routine, I'll probably be hanging out with friends a lot less on weeknights. To those offended, my apologies. You can come work out with me -- that would be fine. But now, I will have all weekend, every weekend, to do as I please. No more missed workouts to hang out with friends (which I did even at my zenith).
Quite simply, this is something I have to do.
My new routine will be Monday through Friday. I'll lift weights Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Those same nights, I'll work out on the elliptical or treadmill. On Wednesdays, I will play basketball. This week is already shot, between homework and plans to head out of town on Friday. But I'll get to the gym when I can.
I've already made changes. The snacks stopped. So did the seconds at the dinner table. The restaurant or menu choices are changing.
The last time I was jarred, I weighed 372 pounds. This isn't nearly as bad, but it's a good wake-up call. Back then, I wore a 4XL shirt. I had two chins. Stairs winded me. Hot dogs enticed me. I've still lost more than 100 pounds, but I'm not there yet. I'm a lot closer than I was two years ago, but ... I'm not there yet.
And next week, it begins all over again.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
Matt's Weight Loss Odyssey: Part 16 (I Got Nothin')
Do you realize it's been nearly three months since I've updated this blog? Time to change that!
The weight loss has tapered off, but with everything that's happened, that's no surprise. In mid-March, I had my wisdom teeth pulled; two weeks later, I moved into a real live house (well, a duplex, anyway).
So all that cause a pretty massive wrinkle in my workout routine, and I'm only starting to recover. It's not helped by being as busy as I've been the last few weeks. Past and present happenings include a pair of trips to Seattle to visit friends/see the Mariners and a beach trip for my best friend's wedding.
The biggest "hit" I've taken is on weight-lifting. The past few weeks, I've lifted about two times per week, instead of my normal four. That comes with being busy, though. I'm getting back into the routine, though.
Beyond that, I've grown quite attached to the outside basketball hoop Dusty bought for the new place a few weeks back. As often as the weather allows, I'm out there, launching up jumpers, chasing around balls that bounce off the curb and posting up invisible opponents in the lane.
So my workout hasn't taken a huge hit. And I take solace in the fact that, as I build muscle, I won't lose as much weight. At least, I think that's how it works. That's what I tell myself, anyway.
The place where I really am sliding is when it comes to snacks. I usually bring something small for lunch, so instead of throwing in an apple or banana, I take afternoon breaks at work and buy a cookie at the nearby Starbucks. Or when I'm making lunch and I scoop my Sunchips from their bag to the small plastic bag, I'm apt to take a handful.
I know the trainer at the YMCA said, "have a snack after working out" and "eating small meals throughout the day is a good thing," but I don't think is what he had in mind.
And yet the results haven't been disastrous. Flexing my muscles is no longer a pointless activity. There are bumps. And my legs are damn near chiseled. And the weight loss is continuing, albeit slowly.
I bought a giant exercise ball and used it a fair bit at the apartment, but it sucks to blow it up, so I haven't done that in the new place yet. I'll get to it, eventually!
Back in mid-February, I took my body fat % and am interested to how it stacks up today. I've lost about 10-15 pounds since then, but I'd like to see what kind of impact weight-lifting has had. Hopefully I'll find out this week.
The biggest difference, though, is my energy level. This whole "weight loss" thing has gone beyond wearing smaller t-shirts, looking better in the mirror and getting rid of my second chin. Honestly, if I had a friend/girlfriend who was as physically active as I'd like to be, well that'd be perfect.
Pretty much, I'm always up for throwing a Frisbee around, playing basketball, hopping on the elliptical machine or treadmill, walking or doing SOMETHING to get active. I have so much energy -- more than I ever thought possible when I started this.
If someone ever asks, "want to throw the Frisbee around or play basketball?" or WHATEVER the case may be ... the only time I would say no would be if I had other plans. I rarely pass up opportunities to get outside (or into the gym) and be active. Be active. That's a good motto, isn't it?
And it's much more than what I listed above. I'd love to learn tennis this summer! I'm working on getting into "running" shape. I want to get some friends together for kickball games or Ultimate Frisbee. Touch football is fun. I think that Dusty, Mikaela and I are participating in at least one three-on-three basketball tournament this summer. Oh, and hiking! How I love hiking!
See what I mean? I'm very energetic, and it's only getting better. Pretty much every day, I feel like a pop can that's been shaken up. I want to get out there and do things!
Problem is, it's April (for another 45 minutes, anyway). And the weather 'round these parts rarely cooperates with outdoorsy activities in April.
So that's where I'm at. I definitely need to expand my cooking repertoire, learn some new skills and cook some new dishes. I need to eat more fruits and veggies. See what my body fat % is. Get back into the routine. Shed some more pounds. Get more energy. Keep on rocking.
There have been some small setbacks, but for real, I'm having the time of my life with this. It's honestly fun for me. Especially when the weather warms up and I can go outside more. I just gotta cut back on those snacks, balance out my diet a bit more, and I'll be set.
There is light at the end of the tunnel ... in all my life, I swear to God I never thought I would see it. It's a good feeling.
The weight loss has tapered off, but with everything that's happened, that's no surprise. In mid-March, I had my wisdom teeth pulled; two weeks later, I moved into a real live house (well, a duplex, anyway).
So all that cause a pretty massive wrinkle in my workout routine, and I'm only starting to recover. It's not helped by being as busy as I've been the last few weeks. Past and present happenings include a pair of trips to Seattle to visit friends/see the Mariners and a beach trip for my best friend's wedding.
The biggest "hit" I've taken is on weight-lifting. The past few weeks, I've lifted about two times per week, instead of my normal four. That comes with being busy, though. I'm getting back into the routine, though.
Beyond that, I've grown quite attached to the outside basketball hoop Dusty bought for the new place a few weeks back. As often as the weather allows, I'm out there, launching up jumpers, chasing around balls that bounce off the curb and posting up invisible opponents in the lane.
So my workout hasn't taken a huge hit. And I take solace in the fact that, as I build muscle, I won't lose as much weight. At least, I think that's how it works. That's what I tell myself, anyway.
The place where I really am sliding is when it comes to snacks. I usually bring something small for lunch, so instead of throwing in an apple or banana, I take afternoon breaks at work and buy a cookie at the nearby Starbucks. Or when I'm making lunch and I scoop my Sunchips from their bag to the small plastic bag, I'm apt to take a handful.
I know the trainer at the YMCA said, "have a snack after working out" and "eating small meals throughout the day is a good thing," but I don't think is what he had in mind.
And yet the results haven't been disastrous. Flexing my muscles is no longer a pointless activity. There are bumps. And my legs are damn near chiseled. And the weight loss is continuing, albeit slowly.
I bought a giant exercise ball and used it a fair bit at the apartment, but it sucks to blow it up, so I haven't done that in the new place yet. I'll get to it, eventually!
Back in mid-February, I took my body fat % and am interested to how it stacks up today. I've lost about 10-15 pounds since then, but I'd like to see what kind of impact weight-lifting has had. Hopefully I'll find out this week.
The biggest difference, though, is my energy level. This whole "weight loss" thing has gone beyond wearing smaller t-shirts, looking better in the mirror and getting rid of my second chin. Honestly, if I had a friend/girlfriend who was as physically active as I'd like to be, well that'd be perfect.
Pretty much, I'm always up for throwing a Frisbee around, playing basketball, hopping on the elliptical machine or treadmill, walking or doing SOMETHING to get active. I have so much energy -- more than I ever thought possible when I started this.
If someone ever asks, "want to throw the Frisbee around or play basketball?" or WHATEVER the case may be ... the only time I would say no would be if I had other plans. I rarely pass up opportunities to get outside (or into the gym) and be active. Be active. That's a good motto, isn't it?
And it's much more than what I listed above. I'd love to learn tennis this summer! I'm working on getting into "running" shape. I want to get some friends together for kickball games or Ultimate Frisbee. Touch football is fun. I think that Dusty, Mikaela and I are participating in at least one three-on-three basketball tournament this summer. Oh, and hiking! How I love hiking!
See what I mean? I'm very energetic, and it's only getting better. Pretty much every day, I feel like a pop can that's been shaken up. I want to get out there and do things!
Problem is, it's April (for another 45 minutes, anyway). And the weather 'round these parts rarely cooperates with outdoorsy activities in April.
So that's where I'm at. I definitely need to expand my cooking repertoire, learn some new skills and cook some new dishes. I need to eat more fruits and veggies. See what my body fat % is. Get back into the routine. Shed some more pounds. Get more energy. Keep on rocking.
There have been some small setbacks, but for real, I'm having the time of my life with this. It's honestly fun for me. Especially when the weather warms up and I can go outside more. I just gotta cut back on those snacks, balance out my diet a bit more, and I'll be set.
There is light at the end of the tunnel ... in all my life, I swear to God I never thought I would see it. It's a good feeling.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Matt's Weight Loss Odyssey: Part 15 (I'm Back)
At the end of January, I took part of my tax return and picked up an 80 GB iPod. If nowhere else, it helps me stay focused while I'm working out, so I look at it as a worthwhile investment.
Speaking of working out, that is what the subject ("I'm back") refers to. Partly for the education and partly to get myself back on course, I signed up for the YMCA's free 12-week training program almost three weeks ago now.
I met with a counselor that night, took my body fat measurements and developed a solid work-out strategy.
Now, I'm switching it up -- in addition to the elliptical machine, I'm getting on the exercise bike and treadmill each week. That way, it's harder for my body to get complacent. Then I'm lifting weights again. Before the program (and before I quit lifting weights over the holidays), I was working on about 10 machines per night.
Usually, I worked on about five lower or upper body machines, in addition to about five back/abs machines. Now, I'm working on four lower body machines and five upper body machines, as well as doing crunches with the help of a giant exercise ball.
And now, I have a set schedule. I'm not going in with an attitude of "oh I'll lift weights when it fits into my schedule." I'm making my schedule fit the weight-lifting.
I think it's helping, too. I weighed myself tonight, and -- if the scale is to be believed -- I've dropped about three pounds in the past three weeks. That's just super. Then again, those scales have been notoriously OFF in the past, so before I start jumping up and down, I'm going to go back in a few days and see what I weigh.
It was hard for awhile. I was snacking way too much, and even at working out five nights a week, I wasn't losing much, if any weight. That bothered me, because I want to get to a point where I'm only working out strenuously for three or four days a week. And to do that -- and maintain my weight, wherever that ends up -- I need to cut back on foods.
So I'm watching my snacking. I'm still not perfect, but I need to get back to that point where I wasn't even phased by the temptations put before me. Another byproduct of the holiday season, I suppose.
------------------------------------------------
Hmmm ... what else?
Fast food. So many childhood and young adult memories are tied to it. Funny how that works. A brief sampling:
-When our family bought our first and only brand new car, our first trip was grabbing lunch at McDonalds.
-One time, when our family was on vacation in Lincoln City, my Mom went out and brought back ice cream. I got a blizzard, which is notable because the blizzard came in this looooong cup, instead of the short, fat cups we get here. Why do I remember this?
-Another DQ memory. When I was in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, my Dad and I made it a tradition to eat at DQ after the parade.
-One year, Mom's Christmas Eve chicken noodle soup was smelling rancid -- I'm talking "evacuate the house" rancid. So she scrapped that and brought home Burgerville.
-One time, when my parents were out of town and my sister and I had friends over, we took advantage of McDonalds super-cheap cheeseburger deal, where you could get something like 20 cheeseburgers for $10 or something ridiculous. I don't remember the deal, but I remember stocking up for like ... the whole weekend.
-One year on Halloween, Mom brought home Hot 'n' Now for dinner. If you don't remember Hot 'n' Now, it was great. $.39 hamburgers, fries and small sodas. No indoor seating. Two drive-through windows on either side of the restaurant. It was bananas.
-Some mornings before school throughout high school, Mom would take my sister and I to school. We'd get breakfast at McDonalds or Burger King or Taco Bell (yep) or Burgerville ... the list goes on.
See? All these memories that involve fast food. Maybe that's why I was totally addicted throughout college. I gave up BK and McDonalds more than two years ago now (wow -- has it been that long?) and, save for a few weeks of KFC addiction (long story there), I haven't had real fast food since.
Honestly, my parents were good about keeping us away from fast food a lot growing up, and even when we went out in high school and stuff, it wasn't like ... all the time. I wasn't really gaining a ton of weight in high school. It's only after I got my own car and graduated that I went nuts with it.
And even then, to my parents' credit, they always fixed me meals in hopes that I'd eat at home. I can't count how many meals I threw away in favor of a Whopper value meal.
People always call Subway and Quizno's "fast food," and while I understand the sentiment, it's not something I totally agree with. I mean, I eat Quizno's and Subway, and I get that they probably are fast food, but I don't lump them in with McDonalds, you know?
--------------------------------------------------
Thinking about taking a trip to New York in September, which got me to thinking about my trip to San Francisco LAST September.
I remember, just after the first day, my feet hurting badly. I think I was walking like an injured penguin for a good portion of the trip. Of course, that was about 25 pounds ago (only 25 pounds since September? Really?). But even though I hurt so bad, it was probably the best time of my life.
I hope that I get to take the NY trip this year and do just as much walking. I like walking. I think, for someone of my size, I have a ton of energy. It takes a lot for me to get tired to the point where I need to call it a day.
I kind of blame my six or seven years in grocery for that. I was moving ALL THE TIME. So now when I'm sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day, I'm like "alright ... MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE." So I do. It works quite nicely.
Speaking of working out, that is what the subject ("I'm back") refers to. Partly for the education and partly to get myself back on course, I signed up for the YMCA's free 12-week training program almost three weeks ago now.
I met with a counselor that night, took my body fat measurements and developed a solid work-out strategy.
Now, I'm switching it up -- in addition to the elliptical machine, I'm getting on the exercise bike and treadmill each week. That way, it's harder for my body to get complacent. Then I'm lifting weights again. Before the program (and before I quit lifting weights over the holidays), I was working on about 10 machines per night.
Usually, I worked on about five lower or upper body machines, in addition to about five back/abs machines. Now, I'm working on four lower body machines and five upper body machines, as well as doing crunches with the help of a giant exercise ball.
And now, I have a set schedule. I'm not going in with an attitude of "oh I'll lift weights when it fits into my schedule." I'm making my schedule fit the weight-lifting.
I think it's helping, too. I weighed myself tonight, and -- if the scale is to be believed -- I've dropped about three pounds in the past three weeks. That's just super. Then again, those scales have been notoriously OFF in the past, so before I start jumping up and down, I'm going to go back in a few days and see what I weigh.
It was hard for awhile. I was snacking way too much, and even at working out five nights a week, I wasn't losing much, if any weight. That bothered me, because I want to get to a point where I'm only working out strenuously for three or four days a week. And to do that -- and maintain my weight, wherever that ends up -- I need to cut back on foods.
So I'm watching my snacking. I'm still not perfect, but I need to get back to that point where I wasn't even phased by the temptations put before me. Another byproduct of the holiday season, I suppose.
------------------------------------------------
Hmmm ... what else?
Fast food. So many childhood and young adult memories are tied to it. Funny how that works. A brief sampling:
-When our family bought our first and only brand new car, our first trip was grabbing lunch at McDonalds.
-One time, when our family was on vacation in Lincoln City, my Mom went out and brought back ice cream. I got a blizzard, which is notable because the blizzard came in this looooong cup, instead of the short, fat cups we get here. Why do I remember this?
-Another DQ memory. When I was in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, my Dad and I made it a tradition to eat at DQ after the parade.
-One year, Mom's Christmas Eve chicken noodle soup was smelling rancid -- I'm talking "evacuate the house" rancid. So she scrapped that and brought home Burgerville.
-One time, when my parents were out of town and my sister and I had friends over, we took advantage of McDonalds super-cheap cheeseburger deal, where you could get something like 20 cheeseburgers for $10 or something ridiculous. I don't remember the deal, but I remember stocking up for like ... the whole weekend.
-One year on Halloween, Mom brought home Hot 'n' Now for dinner. If you don't remember Hot 'n' Now, it was great. $.39 hamburgers, fries and small sodas. No indoor seating. Two drive-through windows on either side of the restaurant. It was bananas.
-Some mornings before school throughout high school, Mom would take my sister and I to school. We'd get breakfast at McDonalds or Burger King or Taco Bell (yep) or Burgerville ... the list goes on.
See? All these memories that involve fast food. Maybe that's why I was totally addicted throughout college. I gave up BK and McDonalds more than two years ago now (wow -- has it been that long?) and, save for a few weeks of KFC addiction (long story there), I haven't had real fast food since.
Honestly, my parents were good about keeping us away from fast food a lot growing up, and even when we went out in high school and stuff, it wasn't like ... all the time. I wasn't really gaining a ton of weight in high school. It's only after I got my own car and graduated that I went nuts with it.
And even then, to my parents' credit, they always fixed me meals in hopes that I'd eat at home. I can't count how many meals I threw away in favor of a Whopper value meal.
People always call Subway and Quizno's "fast food," and while I understand the sentiment, it's not something I totally agree with. I mean, I eat Quizno's and Subway, and I get that they probably are fast food, but I don't lump them in with McDonalds, you know?
--------------------------------------------------
Thinking about taking a trip to New York in September, which got me to thinking about my trip to San Francisco LAST September.
I remember, just after the first day, my feet hurting badly. I think I was walking like an injured penguin for a good portion of the trip. Of course, that was about 25 pounds ago (only 25 pounds since September? Really?). But even though I hurt so bad, it was probably the best time of my life.
I hope that I get to take the NY trip this year and do just as much walking. I like walking. I think, for someone of my size, I have a ton of energy. It takes a lot for me to get tired to the point where I need to call it a day.
I kind of blame my six or seven years in grocery for that. I was moving ALL THE TIME. So now when I'm sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day, I'm like "alright ... MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE." So I do. It works quite nicely.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Matt's Weight Loss Odyssey: Part 14 (Ugh)
Leading up to the holidays, I was doing very well with my workout/nutrition changes. And honestly, even through the holidays, I only gained two pounds (which I've since lost ... 106 pounds now, by the way).
But during the holidays, I didn't use the elliptical machine nearly as much, opting instead to play basketball -- usually in the form of 2-on-2 games at the YMCA. Part of this was because it's basketball season, but also because I'm finally in good enough shape to play. Then let's not forget that my iPod died about a month ago, and I don't want to spend $200 on a new one at the moment.
So maybe not having an iPod blaring fast-paced rock or hip-hop straight into my head is what's caused this "funk" lately.
I hate to even call it a funk, because it's not like I'm not working out -- I'm still at the YMCA five days a week. And I'm not going crazy with food -- maybe I'm snacking a little more than I used to, but it's not like I'm stuffing free rolls in my pocket when I go out to eat. And I'm already scaling back the snacks.
But for about the past two weeks now, I just haven't felt like my normal self. On the elliptical, I'm walking a few tenths of a mile less than I did before, and as a result, I'm burning about 50 fewer calories. And no matter what, I can't seem to get back to that old pace for any period of time. It's just really exhausting.
In that time, I've stopped lifting weights while I work out a set schedule I can sustain. Maybe that's causing my funk?
I think part of it is mental (as is so much of weight loss). When I started, I took every slight I've ever suffered in life -- girls rejecting me because of my weight, schoolyard taunts, my sister calling me fat, busting a chair in school because I was too heavy -- and, even if the slights were perceived (I'm sure not ALL the girls rejected me because of my weight), I took them and used them as motivation. I was trying to prove everyone wrong.
Basically, my attitude was: "to hell with anyone who's ever told me I can't do it or called me fat." I used that as motivation, but for some reason, lately, I haven't been able to get ANGRY enough to get psyched when working out. I mean ... in a lot of ways ... I'm content. Not with my weight, but life in general. Changes are coming this year, absolutely, but I'm not getting as worked up as I used to about anything.
Here's a good example. Last February, the Blazers led the Denver Nuggets for most of the game, before coughing up the game in the final minutes. I went to the gym so completely angry that night, and I probably worked out as hard as ever to that point. I mean, I was livid that they lost the game, and I took it out on the elliptical machine. Now, I get frustrated, but not nearly enough for that energy to carry over to my workouts.
Shortly after I started losing weight in late 2005, I received a questionnaire from Kaiser, asking, "is gastric bypass the answer?" Outwardly, I laughed it off, but inside, it tore me up that I was to the point where my doctor was asking if I wanted to have surgery. I mean, can't I do it myself? So that lit a fire whenever I looked it during the first year, but now that I *HAVE* lost 100+ pounds, I just think it's funny. Even on the outside.
I feel like I've lost my edge, and I don't know how to get it back. But the thing is, I'm still working out five times a week, watching what I eat and drinking plenty of water. I just don't have that passion or drive running through me. Now, it feels like I'm going through the motions instead of building on anything or working toward something.
Maybe it has to do with people telling me in the past few weeks that I look like I've lost weight. In the first ten months of this adventure, I don't think but three or four people told me that they noticed a difference. Then November and December hit, and all of a sudden, co-workers and friends are like "whoa." So maybe I heard that adulation and got content?
But it's not like I *NEED* to figure out what's wrong; I mean, I'm still doing everything I used to do, and I'm still doing it well. So maybe there's nothing really wrong, other than I'm finally getting used to working out? I don't know.
But during the holidays, I didn't use the elliptical machine nearly as much, opting instead to play basketball -- usually in the form of 2-on-2 games at the YMCA. Part of this was because it's basketball season, but also because I'm finally in good enough shape to play. Then let's not forget that my iPod died about a month ago, and I don't want to spend $200 on a new one at the moment.
So maybe not having an iPod blaring fast-paced rock or hip-hop straight into my head is what's caused this "funk" lately.
I hate to even call it a funk, because it's not like I'm not working out -- I'm still at the YMCA five days a week. And I'm not going crazy with food -- maybe I'm snacking a little more than I used to, but it's not like I'm stuffing free rolls in my pocket when I go out to eat. And I'm already scaling back the snacks.
But for about the past two weeks now, I just haven't felt like my normal self. On the elliptical, I'm walking a few tenths of a mile less than I did before, and as a result, I'm burning about 50 fewer calories. And no matter what, I can't seem to get back to that old pace for any period of time. It's just really exhausting.
In that time, I've stopped lifting weights while I work out a set schedule I can sustain. Maybe that's causing my funk?
I think part of it is mental (as is so much of weight loss). When I started, I took every slight I've ever suffered in life -- girls rejecting me because of my weight, schoolyard taunts, my sister calling me fat, busting a chair in school because I was too heavy -- and, even if the slights were perceived (I'm sure not ALL the girls rejected me because of my weight), I took them and used them as motivation. I was trying to prove everyone wrong.
Basically, my attitude was: "to hell with anyone who's ever told me I can't do it or called me fat." I used that as motivation, but for some reason, lately, I haven't been able to get ANGRY enough to get psyched when working out. I mean ... in a lot of ways ... I'm content. Not with my weight, but life in general. Changes are coming this year, absolutely, but I'm not getting as worked up as I used to about anything.
Here's a good example. Last February, the Blazers led the Denver Nuggets for most of the game, before coughing up the game in the final minutes. I went to the gym so completely angry that night, and I probably worked out as hard as ever to that point. I mean, I was livid that they lost the game, and I took it out on the elliptical machine. Now, I get frustrated, but not nearly enough for that energy to carry over to my workouts.
Shortly after I started losing weight in late 2005, I received a questionnaire from Kaiser, asking, "is gastric bypass the answer?" Outwardly, I laughed it off, but inside, it tore me up that I was to the point where my doctor was asking if I wanted to have surgery. I mean, can't I do it myself? So that lit a fire whenever I looked it during the first year, but now that I *HAVE* lost 100+ pounds, I just think it's funny. Even on the outside.
I feel like I've lost my edge, and I don't know how to get it back. But the thing is, I'm still working out five times a week, watching what I eat and drinking plenty of water. I just don't have that passion or drive running through me. Now, it feels like I'm going through the motions instead of building on anything or working toward something.
Maybe it has to do with people telling me in the past few weeks that I look like I've lost weight. In the first ten months of this adventure, I don't think but three or four people told me that they noticed a difference. Then November and December hit, and all of a sudden, co-workers and friends are like "whoa." So maybe I heard that adulation and got content?
But it's not like I *NEED* to figure out what's wrong; I mean, I'm still doing everything I used to do, and I'm still doing it well. So maybe there's nothing really wrong, other than I'm finally getting used to working out? I don't know.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Matt's Weight Loss Odyssey: Part 13 (It's Really Part 100)
Stepped on the scale tonight, and I've lost 100 pounds now. I never thought I would get here, that number is just so unreal to me. I can't believe where I was a year ago, compared to where I'm at today. I'm just having so much fun with working out and getting into shape; it gets addictive, like a drug.
Which is what makes having a cold so frustrating. I've had one since last week, and having to constantly blow my nose or hack for a solid minute is just draining.
See, for someone my size, I think I have a lot of energy. Most nights, the only reason I leave the gym is because it closes. Basketball, elliptical, weights ... whatever, I love working out in all of its forms. I feel like, on any given night, I can work out for 2-3 hours. Most nights, I don't get over there until later on, so I'm working out anywhere between 1 and 1.5 hours. I feel good, but so many nights, I could run home, no sweat.
But with a cold, breathing is 10 times harder. And, as a result, working out is much harder. I haven't been able to approach my normal numbers on my typical program on the elliptical (I usually set it to the weight loss program -- after 33 minutes, I'm in the neighborhood of 2.73 miles walked and 550 calories burned).
But with a cold, it's so hard to get that momentum; once I feel like I'm cleared up and feeling good, I'm tired and ready to call it a night. It's especially frustrating, because I've gotten plenty of rest all week long. So when I head to the gym, ideally, I'm not already suffering from fatigue and trying to catch up. But, even being well-rested, I'm having problems getting up to speed ... because of this damn cold.
And yet I've continued to make a little bit of progress, and tonight, I paid off in the form of hitting triple digits. I don't know what I envisioned when I started this, but losing 100 pounds never seemed realistic. Now? There isn't anything I can't do.
Which is what makes having a cold so frustrating. I've had one since last week, and having to constantly blow my nose or hack for a solid minute is just draining.
See, for someone my size, I think I have a lot of energy. Most nights, the only reason I leave the gym is because it closes. Basketball, elliptical, weights ... whatever, I love working out in all of its forms. I feel like, on any given night, I can work out for 2-3 hours. Most nights, I don't get over there until later on, so I'm working out anywhere between 1 and 1.5 hours. I feel good, but so many nights, I could run home, no sweat.
But with a cold, breathing is 10 times harder. And, as a result, working out is much harder. I haven't been able to approach my normal numbers on my typical program on the elliptical (I usually set it to the weight loss program -- after 33 minutes, I'm in the neighborhood of 2.73 miles walked and 550 calories burned).
But with a cold, it's so hard to get that momentum; once I feel like I'm cleared up and feeling good, I'm tired and ready to call it a night. It's especially frustrating, because I've gotten plenty of rest all week long. So when I head to the gym, ideally, I'm not already suffering from fatigue and trying to catch up. But, even being well-rested, I'm having problems getting up to speed ... because of this damn cold.
And yet I've continued to make a little bit of progress, and tonight, I paid off in the form of hitting triple digits. I don't know what I envisioned when I started this, but losing 100 pounds never seemed realistic. Now? There isn't anything I can't do.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Matt's Weight Loss Odyssey: Part 12 (Before and After)
| August 2005: | November 2006: |
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Monday, October 02, 2006
Matt's Weight Loss Odyssey: Part 11 (Heavy)
When I started this process 11 months ago, I was hellbent on losing weight. At the time, lifting weights wasn't even on my radar. Either I was on the elliptical for awhile each night, or I threw some basketball into the mix.
Well, I've lost almost 90 pounds. I still have quite a gut, but partially with the encouragement of friends, I'm taking the next step and lifting weights.
I started last Monday, getting a few reps in on the bench press. I wasn't able to get back to lifting until Friday, which should give you an idea of how little upper body strength I have. I ended up going back Saturday and continuing work on my arms with a few different machines. And you know what? It's not the day after that's bad -- it's the day after the day after.
So tonight, with my arms and chest still tight from Saturday, I went to work on my legs after a trip on the elliptical.
Thanks to 11 months on an elliptical machine and the fact that they've had to support all that weight all these years, my legs are pretty strong. Always have been. So on most of the machines, I didn't have to push myself too hard.
I rounded out the night with about 15 minutes of one-on-none basketball, and I was dismal. Still reeling from lifting weights on Saturday, a good portion of my shots airballed by six inches to a foot. Dusty, with whom I play basketball most often, will tell you that's normal. Well, he would be wrong.
And I ran around pretty well, retrieving missed shots from all corners of the gym. I even told Dusty as I came back to the apartment that my legs weren't that tired and that I could have pushed myself harder.
Then I sat down to check e-mail, MySpace messages and Blazers news. Once I got up from that, KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS THAT HURT, in the words of Ron Burgendy. My legs will not be liking me tomorrow. They're already grumbling. But while I'm getting trim and fit, why not get SOME definition going, right?
But that's my general goal from here on out. I adjusted my work schedule so I can adjust my workout schedule and give myself more gym time each night. Today is a model for how I'd like it to go at least three days a week -- elliptical, weights, basketball. The other two or three days, I'll stick with the elliptical or basketball (or both). I don't want to overdo it with the weights.
The last time I tried lifting weights in 2004, I did so for about a month or two, and I noticed, at one point, a small bulge pop up in my arm -- real live muscle! So I'm hoping to continue what I started two years ago the WSU Vancouver gym.
It's a little harder for me now, because I'm so new to this, and there are so many people around. When I worked out at WSU Vancouver, Brian and I usually had the gym to ourselves, and I was less afraid around one of my best friends. Now? Seeing kids five years my junior walking around with well-defined arms and benching more than I ... it's a little discouraging. But I've slowly realized that, at the gym: 1) no one is there to make fun of you, it's an encouraging enviornment, and 2) people don't pay much attention to you. So that makes things easier.
I also started doing crunches today. After 20 (4 reps of 5 ... 2 reps were with my legs kinda crossed and bending right or left on my way up), my abs are wow.
***
People ask me what weight I'm aiming for or what my goal is. And the most specific I can ever get is "healthy." See, I've never been skinny -- go back to kindegarten, and I was rockin' bigger shirts than most of my peers.
So let's say I lose another 50 pounds and get down to 230. I have no idea what I'll look like; I have pretty broad shoulders, and I am seriously just "big-boned" (hehe). So would I even LOOK healthy at 200 pounds? I don't know.
I don't quite know where I'm going with this lifestyle change I've embarked over the past 11 months, but my goals only get as specific as: lose fat, add muscle, live healthy-ish. I want to get comfortable enough to take my shirt off once in awhile. I want to be able to run up and down the court at the YMCA without getting pushed around or gasping for breath. I want to be able to ride my bicycle all over Vancouver.
When I started this process, I had a goal in mind for where I wanted to be at by January 2007, and I know I won't be there. But since starting, my priorities have shifted --- it's no longer about getting to a certain number by a certain time; that's ASKING for disaster, if you ask me. I've haven't been on that pace for a few months now, but once you lost 40-50 pounds, it gets harder to lose weight, because there's just less to lose.
And it's not like I'm eyeing a date or a milestone at which I can get off this high horse and go back to McDonalds. This is a lifestyle change. It's going to be with me as long as I live. I'll still be rocking the elliptical or playing basketball when I'm 30 and 40.
***
One of the best feeling to come from this, aside the whole 'feeling and looking better' part of it, is that I've had a few people say something like, "well because of you, I've started walking more" or "After listening to you, I've been trying to eat less" or whatever. That kind of stuff makes me feel a little weird, but also good. I'm glad people are listening or reading and that maybe something I've said has been helpful. All I'm doing is talking about what helped me -- what worked for me might not work for anyone else. But for people to listen and become inspired, even if it's only a little bit ... wow. I mean, you don't even know.
***
If all this seems a little to stream-of-concsious or whatever, that's because I'm getting all my thoughts down now, so when the time comes for me to do something else with this ... whatever that may be ... I won't have to scratch my head and wonder what I thought, say, when I started lifting. Because I don't know what will become of this, but I'm sure it'll wind up as something else someday.
Well, I've lost almost 90 pounds. I still have quite a gut, but partially with the encouragement of friends, I'm taking the next step and lifting weights.
I started last Monday, getting a few reps in on the bench press. I wasn't able to get back to lifting until Friday, which should give you an idea of how little upper body strength I have. I ended up going back Saturday and continuing work on my arms with a few different machines. And you know what? It's not the day after that's bad -- it's the day after the day after.
So tonight, with my arms and chest still tight from Saturday, I went to work on my legs after a trip on the elliptical.
Thanks to 11 months on an elliptical machine and the fact that they've had to support all that weight all these years, my legs are pretty strong. Always have been. So on most of the machines, I didn't have to push myself too hard.
I rounded out the night with about 15 minutes of one-on-none basketball, and I was dismal. Still reeling from lifting weights on Saturday, a good portion of my shots airballed by six inches to a foot. Dusty, with whom I play basketball most often, will tell you that's normal. Well, he would be wrong.
And I ran around pretty well, retrieving missed shots from all corners of the gym. I even told Dusty as I came back to the apartment that my legs weren't that tired and that I could have pushed myself harder.
Then I sat down to check e-mail, MySpace messages and Blazers news. Once I got up from that, KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS THAT HURT, in the words of Ron Burgendy. My legs will not be liking me tomorrow. They're already grumbling. But while I'm getting trim and fit, why not get SOME definition going, right?
But that's my general goal from here on out. I adjusted my work schedule so I can adjust my workout schedule and give myself more gym time each night. Today is a model for how I'd like it to go at least three days a week -- elliptical, weights, basketball. The other two or three days, I'll stick with the elliptical or basketball (or both). I don't want to overdo it with the weights.
The last time I tried lifting weights in 2004, I did so for about a month or two, and I noticed, at one point, a small bulge pop up in my arm -- real live muscle! So I'm hoping to continue what I started two years ago the WSU Vancouver gym.
It's a little harder for me now, because I'm so new to this, and there are so many people around. When I worked out at WSU Vancouver, Brian and I usually had the gym to ourselves, and I was less afraid around one of my best friends. Now? Seeing kids five years my junior walking around with well-defined arms and benching more than I ... it's a little discouraging. But I've slowly realized that, at the gym: 1) no one is there to make fun of you, it's an encouraging enviornment, and 2) people don't pay much attention to you. So that makes things easier.
I also started doing crunches today. After 20 (4 reps of 5 ... 2 reps were with my legs kinda crossed and bending right or left on my way up), my abs are wow.
***
People ask me what weight I'm aiming for or what my goal is. And the most specific I can ever get is "healthy." See, I've never been skinny -- go back to kindegarten, and I was rockin' bigger shirts than most of my peers.
So let's say I lose another 50 pounds and get down to 230. I have no idea what I'll look like; I have pretty broad shoulders, and I am seriously just "big-boned" (hehe). So would I even LOOK healthy at 200 pounds? I don't know.
I don't quite know where I'm going with this lifestyle change I've embarked over the past 11 months, but my goals only get as specific as: lose fat, add muscle, live healthy-ish. I want to get comfortable enough to take my shirt off once in awhile. I want to be able to run up and down the court at the YMCA without getting pushed around or gasping for breath. I want to be able to ride my bicycle all over Vancouver.
When I started this process, I had a goal in mind for where I wanted to be at by January 2007, and I know I won't be there. But since starting, my priorities have shifted --- it's no longer about getting to a certain number by a certain time; that's ASKING for disaster, if you ask me. I've haven't been on that pace for a few months now, but once you lost 40-50 pounds, it gets harder to lose weight, because there's just less to lose.
And it's not like I'm eyeing a date or a milestone at which I can get off this high horse and go back to McDonalds. This is a lifestyle change. It's going to be with me as long as I live. I'll still be rocking the elliptical or playing basketball when I'm 30 and 40.
***
One of the best feeling to come from this, aside the whole 'feeling and looking better' part of it, is that I've had a few people say something like, "well because of you, I've started walking more" or "After listening to you, I've been trying to eat less" or whatever. That kind of stuff makes me feel a little weird, but also good. I'm glad people are listening or reading and that maybe something I've said has been helpful. All I'm doing is talking about what helped me -- what worked for me might not work for anyone else. But for people to listen and become inspired, even if it's only a little bit ... wow. I mean, you don't even know.
***
If all this seems a little to stream-of-concsious or whatever, that's because I'm getting all my thoughts down now, so when the time comes for me to do something else with this ... whatever that may be ... I won't have to scratch my head and wonder what I thought, say, when I started lifting. Because I don't know what will become of this, but I'm sure it'll wind up as something else someday.
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